That pretty much describes my mood today. And that of last night.
Annoyed. Frustrated. Pissed off. Grumpy. Sad.
I think I need more sleep. My favorite idea right now is to curl up in bed with a warm blanket and sleep until next week, but, I know, full well, that cannot happen. Crawling out of my skin and hiding under a rock? Out of the question, too. Too much to do and a sweet little boy to care for. It's not his fault, he didn't choose to be dependent on me, but he is. He's the one bright light. His smile makes me feel better, but I can't be with him all day.
I don't want to work anymore. Not necessarily where I'm currently employed, but anywhere for that matter. I would even be happier if I could get a part time job. I want to spend more time with my son. We have a fantastic sitter, and I feel more than confident when leaving him there, it's just that I wish that was *my* job, not hers. She gets to see him all day, play with him, read to him, sing to him, watch him change. Apparently he rolled over a few times yesterday. He's only done that once at home and I didn't get to see it. I miss him, all day long.
I'm also upset about work. I do an incredibly difficult job and the people you work with can make or break this kind of work. Communication is not the strong suit of my agency and the work environment gets hard to navigate with out it. Blah. I wish they were a bit more understanding about my work hours and the fact I am a new mother and my priorities have changed. I'm still angry about an incident that occurred yesterday, and I think it is going to take some time to get over it. I've been angry for a few weeks at work, mostly over other coworkers and their actions or inactions. It is what it is.
I'm not feeling so great about where Bubby and I are at the moment either. I know he loves me, I really do. I just don't feel like we're connecting lately. He half listens, half answers, every other conversation revolves around his job. He's on business right now. And will be going again in a few weeks and then again a few weeks after that. Involuntary single parenthood is not my cup 'o tea.
So yeah. That's where I am today. Could be somewhere completely different tomorrow, and hopefully I will be. Maybe I'm PMSing...one can hope.
2 comments:
I love you.
I can't begin to imagine how difficult and hectic your life is right now, but know that I think about you a lot and am always here for support.
Just keep focusing on all of the wonderful things in your life: a beautiful and *healthy* son, a roof over your head, a loving husband, great friends, supportive family, and a job that pays the bills (though sucky as it may be). I know you are already appreciative of all these things, but it's sometimes easy to overlook the awesome things in your life when other parts of your life are so crappy.
I miss you. :( I wish I could come over and give you a hug and dress in my funny pants to make you laugh.
I Love you too.
I know my job has sucked recently, but you know as well as i do, that the only reason i'm putting myself out there like i am is so that hopefully come next child, you will have that oportunity to stay home with them.
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