Jason

His name was Jason and he would have been 28 today. My eldest cousin on my mother's side; he died suddenly in May. Our entire family is still in shock over the loss. A life cut too short. A man/boy still so young and full of life.

I'll be honest, I don't think Jason was thrilled to have a new cousin when I was born. Or, maybe, he liked me for the first few moments and then it was over. He was just over two at the time of my birth and he had been the center of the universe in our family. Suddenly, his thunder had been stolen. He picked on me mercilessly and yet, I adored him. He was always so cool in my eyes, especially when I was small. He was bigger and smarter and knew so much more than I did. My brother admired him more than I did and they built a strong friendship, even spending time together the night Jason passed. As we got older, my other cousins and I learned how to push his buttons and set him off, sometimes with outcomes that did not make any of our parents very happy. We had fun, too, spending time together at holidays, family get togethers, the beach. We drifted apart in our adulthood but I can say without a doubt, I always loved him. Even when he got on my nerves.

Precocious from a very early age, Jason never did anything small or slow. Things had to go fast and faster and faster. He rarely showed fear and was willing to face danger head on. He learned how to water ski at the age of three. Jumped off of furniture. Consistently scaring his poor mother. He always seemed to live his life this way. Jumping out of a truck on a bicycle at the age of 21 and breaking his back; he still kept going. He jumped from job to job, always wanting to try something new and discover his talents. His power washing business is probably the most noteable to my family. He had, finally, started to think about the idea of settling and slowing down with the love of his life, M. They were to have been married on November 1st and had plans to buy a home together. They had been together sporadically since they were fifteen years old. Ironically, the same age Jason's parents started dating. Like most things in his life, Jason tended to not think about the consequences of many of his actions, including his use of drugs. This, sadly, would be his ultimate undoing, his tragic end. It is still hard to fathom that this is the end of his story. A story that should have had many, many more chapters. A tale cut short and leaving its readers baffled by the abrupt and sudden conclusion.

I'll always remember Jason. His obsession for pigs. The nickname "Hog" given to him as a wee boy. His intrigue by all things fast: cars, motorcycles. His stubborness and pride. His humor, even when I didn't get it. His willingness to dare, to try new things. His love of music, especially rock. His adoration of his beautiful little sister. His love for M.

I'm sad. Sad that he never was able to finish what he had started. He'll never meet Wiggly or any of the children I have in the future. He never met Belle or any of my other cousins'/siblings' future children. He was never able to live out his dreams with M. No children of his own. No house. No settling down. I'm sad I didn't know him better when he died and never had the chance to tell him that I loved him.

Happy Birthday, Jason, wherever you are. I hope you're happy. I hope you're well. We're thinking of you. Missing you. Ride on.